Tuesday, 15 January 2013


It's been nearly three years since I graduated high school. Most people I know have moved out of town, gone off to university somewhere else, and just generally have new and (seemingly) glamorous experiences.

I live at home, attend a nearby university, and work at a fast food restaurant. I have often reminisced about the old days where I felt like I was on the same page as dozens of other people.

I feel very left behind. My life has changed. The people I know have changed. I've changed. Even the entire blogger interface has changed since I last saw it. And for the first time, I think that might be a good thing.

I have a natural tendency to resist change. I'm fond of familiarity. But, it's begun to sink in that there is no longer a set course that I have to follow, that I'm now solely responsible for where my life goes from here. That thought is empowering and exciting, but also terrifying. Because it's also begun to sink in that, having just recently been released into the world, I'm a pretty clueless youth with little idea of what I ought to do or how to do it, and I'm playing everything by ear. But ultimately, I don't want things to stay the same anymore. I want my life to keep changing. I want to have new experiences, to learn how to deal with different aspects of life, to become a better, stronger person. I want to change. My desire to return to the past is fading. I want to grow up. And above all, I want to be relevant.

Whether or not things have changed, I'm no longer satisfied with being unequipped and uninvolved in the world. Maybe that's the very issue that causes the feeling of being left behind - not making a difference. Not mattering. Not caring. After all, in the words of a certain hobbit...

You're a part of this world . . .aren't you?


Eldarwen said...

Well you are a step ahead of me. lol! I graduated high school and haven't attended college. All my friends did as soon as they graduated and it made me feel left behind, so-to-speak. (: I totally understand what you mean when you say you tend to resist change. I find myself thinking of how things were so different when I was younger. Everything seemed so good. I remember the days of being in high school when getting school work accomplished and talking to my best friend were my only cares. Growing up is tough and requires a lot of change, but I'm becoming okay with that. I am excited to see all the differences in my life that will come about this year. Praying it's mostly good changes that occur! But I guess change is one of those things that we just can't avoid.

Btw, love The Hobbit quote. (:

Donny Yodel said...

At last, he appears. Welcome back to the world of blogging, Ian-san. See? People have been waiting for you.

It's frightening, ne, when you realize that you're actually holding the tiller and piloting the ship. There's no one to direct you or determine what course you set your coordinates to follow. Instead of a cabin boy you've become a captain, and that's an odd feeling indeed; though I realize that metaphor only goes so far.

Relevancy is a hard thing to quantify. What would you call 'relevant' as it relates to your own life?